Breathless
by Lee Davies
Summary: 4 months fter the death of Jacob Sam is visiting his grave when she is joined by Jack. Based on the song Breathless by Better Than Ezra
1. As Long As I've Got You

This is something that just popped into my head at 1 in the morning while I was listening to a CD, trying to sleep...hopefully it's not too awful! The italics are lyrics to the song "Breathless" by Better Than Ezra.

_Here you are now_

_Fresh from your walls_

_Back from the edge of time._

_And all that you were_

_Stripped to the bone_

_I thought you'd want to know_

_When you feel the world_

_Is crashing all around your feet_

_Come running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless _

_I'll never judge you_

_I can only love you_

_Come now, running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless_

Sam Carter stood, flowers in hand, looking down at her father's tombstone. Fresh tears threatened to again overwhelm her already shaken defenses. She still felt raw and exposed, even after 4 months. She had never been one to cry, but Jacob's death had hit her much harder than she'd anticipated. Even now it was hard to believe he was really gone. She didn't know how many nights she had gone to his house and stayed up all night, looking at the old photo albums and remembering the good times they had shared.

The cemetary was peaceful at this time of day and she had chosen to come now so she would be able to alone to be with her father.

"I thought I'd find you here." a familiar voice said from behind her.

She closed her eyes. It was Jack O'Neill.

"Jack." she said simply.

He came forward silently and stood beside her, staring down at the name in front of him.

"We may have had our MANY differences, but Jacob was a good man." he offered softly.

She looked sideways at him. His face also held traces of sadness, and there was a hint of weariness as well that caught her attention.

"Jack, are you okay?"

He chuckled.

"Sam, I'm fine...it's you that I'm worried about."

She cast her eyes back down at the ground and was frustrated to find that there were more tears in her eyes.

A hand appeared at the edge of her blurred vision, a white handkerchief held out. She took gratefully and dabbed her eyes.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered.

"Sam, you have nothing to be sorry for! He was your father-if you didn't cry for him, I would have Janet lock you up in a heartbeat!" Jack said. "I'm not here to pass judgment on you or make you feel like you have to be brave about this. It's hard to lose somebody you love..."

His voice trailed off and she knew he was thinking about Charlie.

_Lay down your ghost_

_Too weak to run_

_Nothing can harm you here_

_Your precious rock_

_Broken and scared_

_Somehow you made it through_

_I only ask that you won't go again_

_When you feel the world_

_Is crashing all around your feet_

_Come running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless _

_I'll never judge you_

_I can only love you_

_Come now, running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless._

_Breathless_

Sam moved closer to him, and slid her hand into his. He squeezed it briefly, and they both stood there lost in the memories of yesterday.

"Here we are...the two toughest people on our base and we're both crying." Jack stated matter of factly.

She looked up at him to find tears running unashamedly down his face. Wanting to ease his pain somehow, Sam cautiously wrapped an arm around his waist. He responded, pulling her against him.

They remained there for several more moments, taking comfort from the other's presence.

"It feels like..." Sam began, her voice trailing off.

"Like everything is wrong, somehow. The world should be crashing and burning around you, but everything still goes on just like it did before." Jack supplied.

"How do you get through it? Sometimes I think I've got a handle on it, and then I'll see something that reminds me of him and I'll lose it again." Sam said in frustration.

"One day at a time, Sam. You can't run forever and carry the weight of the dead on your shoulders. Eventually, you have to lay them down and remember to only take personal responsibility for the things you have the power to control. That was the hardest lesson for me to learn."

Letting go of her hand, Jack wrapped his other arm around her in a comfortable hug.

She allowed her head to rest on his shoulder and had to chuckle. Jacob would have been very amused to see her and Jack in their present position.

_So glad to see you smiling_

_So good to hear you laugh_

_I think that you've found_

_You've even missed yourself._

_I'm only asking this cuz_

_I think that you've returned._

_Oh, you'll never go again_

_Again._

_When you feel the world_

_Is crashing all around your feet_

_Come running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless _

_I'll never judge you_

_I can only love you_

_Come now, running headlong into my arms_

_Breathless._

_Breathless_

_Breathless_

Jack pulled back a little and smiled down at her.

"It's nice to hear even a little laugh from you." he said.

"I think it was time." Sam replied.

Looking back up at Jack, she asked, "Why didn't you come after me right away?"

Jack tilted his head to one side.

"Sam, I know you too well and I knew that you didn't want to be surrounded by a huge group of people bringing the usual green bean casseroles to your house and telling you a pile of bull that you and I both know isn't true. I figured I would give you some time and space, THEN I would come after you."

"I really thought I didn't want to be found...but I was wrong." Sam said.

Jack smiled at her, his eyes drying.

"You can always come to me when you feel like all is wrong with the world...I don't care how silly you might think it is. If it bothers you, it's important to me."

He gave her a wry grin.

"I'm not exactly what you'd call Mr. Eloquence, but please believe me when I say that my old arms are here for you to run into anytime you need them, and...all I can do is love you the best I can."

"That's good enough for me."

Sam stretched up and kissed Jack lightly. The brilliant sunlight broke through the trees and both of them were finally whole...And breathless.


	2. Our Finest Year

Thanks to everyone who's been reading this...I didn't know how this would go over, since it's so different from my usual fare. I had originally decided to only have one chapter, but a good friend of mine told me I needed to keep going with it. This chapter will feature lyrics from two more Better Than Ezra songs. Snippets of "Our Finest Year" will be used for Jack's thoughts and pieces of "Overcome" will be used for Sam's. These songs, along with "Breathless" can be found on their "Before the Robots" Cd.

Jack accompanied Sam to her car.

"Do you want to go do something? We could walk around..." Jack asked carefully.

"Actually, why don't you follow me? There's a place that Dad and I always used to go that I'd like to show you."

He climbed into his car and was somewhat surprised when Sam turned and went up a winding mountain road. They finally emerged from the treeline and turned into a small parking lot.

"It's beautiful here." Jack said as he opened the car door for Sam.

She was caught off guard by his unexpectedly chivalrous gesture and couldn't believe that she was blushing. Walking over to a small bench that looked out over everything, she sat down and Jack seated himself beside her.

"Dad would always take me up here whenever he came back after being gone and we would talk for hours. This was our special place."

Jack put his arm around her lightly.

"You have good memories of him. At the end of the day, that's really all that matters. In the darkness of life, you have the times of light to pull you through."

"Who said that?" she asked curiously.

He placed his hands in his lap somberly and bowed his head, looking down at the ground.

"Me." came the simple response.

She was disappointed that his arm was no longer around her shoulders. She wondered why she had ignored her feelings for Jack for so long; he was her rock, her safe fortress. Having him in her life was no longer a distant dream, it was a necessity.

Shivering slightly, she said softly, "It's a little cold out here."

Opening his eyes and unclasping his hands, Jack allowed a small smile to creep onto his face. Leaning toward her slightly, Jack settled his arm more firmly around her shoulders and pulled her against him.

"So how are you?" he asked.

Sam knew what he meant, and considered the question carefully.

"I'm better...much better. It's still hard sometimes, especially if I've been looking at the old pictures and fall asleep. I end up dreaming about him and wake up to only remember that he isn't there anymore. Then, the water works start." she replied wryly.

Jack wished with all his heart that he could be there when she cried, to hold and comfort her, letting her know she didn't have to be alone in her grief. Instead, did the only thing he could; he brought his other arm around her.

I'm hugging her more than I can remember hugging Sarah after Charlie, Jack thought sadly. That was one mistake he would never make again, or allow anyone he knew to make. Shutting people out when you were hurting was the worst possible thing to do.

Sam pulled back a little and Jack let his arms go slack to give her room.

"Thank you for coming and finding me, Jack."

Clearing his throat, his slightly hoarse voice replied, "You're welcome, Sam."

She moved back forward into his embrace and laid her head on his shoulder. He gazed at her, wondering at the depth of his feelings for the woman he was holding. She had restored his faith in life and shown him things he never could have seen on his own. He felt like he was drunk, his insides quaking and shuddering. He'd been told that he was hard, tough, and unbreakable but if Sam were to ask him to stick his foot behind his head, he'd break his leg if he had to.

_I am bending  
Made of steel  
I am stumbling  
Towards something real  
How can you forget this feeling  
Of standing straight while the world is reeling?_

From being in the Air Force, Jack was used to moving from place to place and not really having one place that was truly home to him.

_Don't leave me here alone  
You're as close as it gets to home_

"Daniel and Teal'c told me to tell you that they miss you, and you'd better come back soon or they'll hurt me." Jack said.

She smiled at that.

"I've missed them too."

"They're worried about you as well."

Sam was silent for a long moment and Jack said, "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Jack, having my father die has really forced me to take a long look at life and everything I though I wanted. I feel like a green private who's just gotten the biggest butt chewing from a Brigadier General and I wonder how far down I may be forced to go before the end." she whispered.

He was stunned from this, and hoped he had the right words.

"Sam, everyone gets smacked in the face by life at more than one time-that's the way it is. No one has completely mastered it yet...not even Mr. Ascended. Just don't keep looking down at the bottom because you might fall in and then you'll miss some of the greatest sights in the sky."

He rubbed his right hand up and down her back

"I know you, and you're going to be fine, no matter what gets tossed your way."

_Don't look down  
You might fall  
Life made rookies of us all  
In our finest year  
Don't wait up  
We'll be fine  
Somehow we might get it right  
In our finest year_

She sighed, taking in his words. She felt drained and tired. Closing her eyes, she wished that she had Jack's confidence.

He sat perfectly still, and from her breathing, it seemed to him that she was asleep. Jack was almost grateful because this gave him some time to think abut the state of affairs between them. He loved Sam; of this he was perfectly sure and he believed that she felt the same way about him. He was hoping, but at the same time, he wondered if she just needed him as a friend right now, not something more.

The sun was now fully up, spreading its glory upon the outdoor world. He was tempted to wake Sam up so she could see it, but thought better of it.

_I am hopeful  
Full of doubt  
And I am trying to work this whole thing out  
So how can you just sit there sleeping  
When your worlds on fire  
And your chest is beating?_

_And I want to think you feel the same_

Sam wasn't asleep, but she needed a moment or two to think. If she'd been told yesterday that she would be sitting in her old Daddy/Daughter spot in Jack O'Neill's arms, she would have laughed you into the next galaxy. Yet, as unbelievable as it was, here they were.

His rhythmic breathing was almost like a healing song to her. She wanted to be able to place herself in his care and let him work his magic for the rest of her life. Loving Jack O'Neill had changed her in ways she'd never even thought possible. At times he infuriated her and drove her to despair, but the simple fact remained that she loved him.

_I feel strange  
I feel changed  
I feel strange  
Overcome  
Overcome by you_

She understood now what her father had been trying to tell her. He'd always said, "Equations don't make a life, Sam" and at age 23, she'd shrugged his advice aside. It had taken his death to truly make her get it. If she even had a slim chance with Jack, she knew she'd let that wave of emotion held tightly inside have its way and sweep her out to sea, never looking back. No consequence in the world could make her regret beginning something with Jack.__

I fell in too deep  
But I learned to swim  
In an undertow  
I sense I'm giving in

I feel strange  
I feel changed  
I feel strange  
Overcome  
Overcome

I'm a little bit wiser  
I'm a little bit sadder  
I'm a little bit less you might have guessed  
But if you could be staying  
Tell me now darling I think I'm fading  
I swear I'll never trade your life for a lie

There had been tension between them upon first meeting, but she marveled at how much she'd grown from being in the Stargate program and from being around him for so long. She wasn't the same person she had been. She was always in control of her emotions and her thoughts. That was no longer true, and it was a bit frightening to her. Sometimes things were so overwhelming that she was sure she'd explode from the force of it all, yet he was the one steady thing in her life. No one else had ever caused this, not even Pete.__

I feel strange  
I feel changed  
I feel strange  
Overcome  
Overcome by you

Overcome by you

Jack shifted and the unexpected movement made her open her eyes.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up." Jack said apologetically.

"You didn't...I wasn't asleep."

"100 grand for your thoughts." Jack said.

"What happened to a penny?" Sam queried.

He smiled and merely replied, "Yours are worth 100 grand."

"Jack, you're a nut." Sam replied.

"There are worse things to be in life!"

"Very true...can I be a nut too?" she asked.

"We can be nuts together...or would Pete have a problem with that?" Jack asked, trying to be casual.

Wondering where he was going with this, Sam answered cautiously.

"Pete and I broke up."

"I see...that's too bad." Jack replied, while feeling a growing sense of hope.

She shrugged.

"It's over and done with."

Jack debated with himself and decided that if he didn't do this now, he might not get the courage again anytime soon. He removed his arms from around her and Sam lifted her head from his shoulder.

"Sam, we've been team members for 8 years and while it's been one of the greatest expericences of my life, I think I'd like to make it a more...permanent arrangement." he said.

Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small box. Sam's eyes widened as soon as she realized what it was.

"Traditionally, I would get down on one knee for this, but I might not make it back up."

Taking her left hand in his, Jack looked her in the eye.

"Samantha Elizabeth Carter, will you marry me?"

Tears stung her eyes.

"Oh Jack..."

Misinterrupreting her, Jack hastily added, "We can have a long engagement if you want...I know it might be too soon after your father's death for me to even be asking but if I don't do it now..."

Sam reached out and put a finger on his lips, effectively silencing him.

"Yes Jack, I'll marry you." she replied.

She slipped the ring onto her finger and he pulled her into his arms without any hesitation.

"Jack, this was a special place to me before, but now it's almost..sacred."

He smiled.

"I know what you mean."

Then, everything melted away in the light of the sun and the sweetness of their kiss.

As they made their way to their cars, he looked at her and squeezed her hand.

"What?" Sam asked.

"You know...I think this is going to be our finest year."

"Now that I've got you, I have no doubt that it's going to be our finest year."

_Don't wait up  
We'll be fine  
Somehow we might get it right  
In our finest year_

PLEASE review...That way I know what you thought of it and I don't have to send an angry Jack after you!


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